you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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