i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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