She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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