I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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