Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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