How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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