better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
