remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize