the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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