these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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