Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
