she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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