bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
