i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
