I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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