There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
