No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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