and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
