cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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