So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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