so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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