I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
