so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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