I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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