Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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