God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize