I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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