Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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