What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
