Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
