i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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