apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
