somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
