this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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