either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
