my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
