Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
