Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize