she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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