So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
