Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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