The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
