Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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