I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can Purell be used as lube?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
