And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize