the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
