the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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