this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
