I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
