Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
