Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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