Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
