Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
