Just took my morning after pill in the library
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
