I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's rum buckets o'clock
COCAINE IS GR8
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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