but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize