You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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