If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
