I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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