My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
