just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
