im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
